Plan B is the new Plan A
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
