trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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