I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
