I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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