Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
