It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
