question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
