Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
