when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
