can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
