I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this boner is exhausting
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
