at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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