it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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