Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I just put wine in my tea
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
