bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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