One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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