I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
