do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
