Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
