just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
