I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
