I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
