i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
