their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
