He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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