Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
MIDGETS
????
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
