i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
