if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
