I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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