new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How does one acquire holy water?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
