I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
