I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
