i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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