planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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