there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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