i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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