dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
