There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
