fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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