Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
