He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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