What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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