i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
