you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
