the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
