hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This baby is an asshole
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
