Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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