Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
