So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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