Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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