im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
